Keeping your relationship red-hot with sexting is easier than you think!
Sexting. It’s all the rage these days. Or at least, you’d think it was if you spent a lot of time watching reality TV and reading Elite Daily. For those of us who don’t sext, but would still love to add another racy gizmo to our toolbox of steaminess, it can seem both desirable and confusing at the same time.
Because flirting over your phone isn’t always the easiest thing to do. Sending sexting pics can be exciting and fun unless you spend the whole time worried that you accidentally sent the sext to all of your contacts. And Snapchat sexting might seem more private and lurid… until you place animated dog ears on your sexy pics and go from being sultry to being silly.
Done right, sexting can turn a guy on, build sexual tension between the two of you, and make him eager to reciprocate — both through the phone and in the bedroom. But done wrong, it can seem sleazy, or worse, downright pathetic and gross.
It’s an art form, you see. Sexting isn’t just a matter of being all, “Hey! Wanna [insert explicit sexual act/photo here]?” There’s a method to the madness, and we’re going to explore it below like I talk about on my site. We’ll discuss how to sext and what role it should play in a healthy sex life, and offer a few examples to illustrate each point.
Consider these guidelines for phone flirting that can be applied to sexting on Snapchat, Messenger, or even your antique flip-phone.
Ready to sext like a champion? Here we go.
1. Build up slowly.
When you’re first learning how to sext, it’s crucial to build up slowly. Whether you’re in a long-term relationship or just starting a new one, you don’t want to come out of the blue with a crazy, hardcore sexual proposition. Your longstanding guy might just laugh at you, but a newer person could go running in the opposite direction.
Instead of getting right to the dirty stuff, start with a little innuendo. Try something like, “Aren’t you curious what I’m wearing right now?” Sending this text in the middle of a workday can make your man even more interested because he’ll assume it’s something you’re wearing underneath your clothing. Other good intros include “I’m looking forward to seeing you tonight … naked,” or “When will you be home? I’m not sure I can wait that long.”
2. Invite participation.
Sexting, like actual sex, shouldn’t be a one-way street. Instead, invite participation. You can do this in several ways. Try hypothetical situations such as, “If I were to walk into your office right now wearing nothing but my matching red panties and bra, what would you do?” When he responds, you can add another hypothetical to the mix, i.e. “What if I were also wearing four-inch heels?” or “What if I secretly had a fire pole installed the night before?”
Another way to do it is to tell him what you’re going to do to him, and then ask “What do you want to do to me?” Go back and forth this way, both of you getting more bold with each text. Beware, though: this is extremely NSFW.
Remember, sexting is all about anticipating, so build it up by asking him questions that get him thinking about you.
3. Follow through.
Of course, there’s no point in learning how to sext if you’re not going to follow through. A guy will quickly learn to stop engaging with you if you don’t deliver. So while you don’t have to do exactly what you promise in your sexts, it should be close enough that he learns to get truly excited by them.
For instance, if you’ve recently sent something along the lines of “I hope you’re ready when you walk in the door tonight,” then you better be ready too. “I’m wearing that lacy black thing you like” better be followed up with that black thing. And so on.
Here’s a pop quiz. Which is sexier: a picture of a totally naked dude, or a guy wearing low-rise jeans so you can see the perfect V of his abs but nothing below the belt? Most women would answer the latter. Similarly, guys love Victoria’s Secret models because they’re wearing those flimsy little pieces of silk and lace.
This has major implications for learning how to sext. You’ve got to leave a little something to the imagination, as I explain here. A sext along the lines of “And now we’re totally going all the way!” isn’t so hot. After all, it indicates that things are done when the whole point of sexting is to get them going. Try something like “I can feel your hand running up my thigh” or “I had no idea you could take underwear off like that.” It’s pretty clear what you’re talking about, but it’s still ladylike and leaves room for the real show later.
5. Use some humor.
One of the best sexting conversations ever goes like this:
Him: “What would you do if I got you into my bed?”
Her: “Is your bed comfortable?”
Her: “I would sleep.”
Of course, this sext might not be totally applicable to your situation, but it’s still dang funny and very flirty. The truth is, sexting is an inherently awkward activity, even if you do it well. It’s difficult to type, it takes a while, you may not see each other for days or even weeks after you send the text if you’re long distance, and it’s hard to convey emotion via this medium.
All of this calls for humor, so don’t hold back. Insert a joke or two, some goofing off, a we-don’t-take-this-that-seriously attitude. It will help pave the way to true sensuality if you’re both more relaxed.
6. Engage in other ways.
Learning to sext is a great way to spice up your existing relationship or even get one going with someone new. It’s important not to overdo it, however. Sexting is fun and exciting because it’s a novelty, but just like other bedroom behaviors — think dirty talk or bondage, for example — if used all the time, it can become dull or even lame. Don’t lose an awesome tool that way!
Even if you figure out how to sext like a master, that may not always be the way your man wants to engage with you. And even if you follow through, he may still want encounters to start in other ways as well. This makes sense, as you probably also look for spontaneity in your sex life.
Instead, make sexting a regular addition to your steamy repertoire, and use it when appropriate, especially if you’re excited to see your man and plan on following through as soon as you see him. If you use it right, sexting can make your interactions with your guy even hotter than they already were.